He never said it would be easy..... One day at a time:)

Lately I have been wrestling with a lot (which is why it's been so long since I've posted). Let me rephrase that, I have been wrestling with God over a lot! The masks I wear to "pretend" like my heart is great and I've got it all together. The appearance of a good Christian.....? He's been putting His finger on those places, walls, masks, wounds. Those secret, hidden parts of me that I don't want anyone to know about or see. And it hurts..... A lot! I feel as if I've been playing tug-of-war with God. Surrender is not an easy thing, but He calls us to surrender, even the darkest ugliest places of our hearts. I'm finding He longs for me to lay and surrender those things at the cross, and there is SO much freedom, and healing in that. Because He ALREADY knows. I'm also finding that He is the ONLY one who can mend, restore and bring the peace my heart so desperately longs and needs. I am also realizing that He is BIG enough for my anger, frustration and doubt. He gives me space to feel and question, because He's sovereign. All of this is messy and I don't fully understand it, but the end result is and will be beautiful! And I don't really know what the "other side" of this process will look like, but O how I have hope! That He is and will take my broken, wounded heart and use it as a vessel of His love and faithfulness, so I encourage you to trust and walk with Him one day at a time:)

The fight

If you ask me how me how I'm doing, I don't really know how to anwser that question. Some days I am well and my soul feels free. Other days I feel, trapped, suffocated, it hurts. This awkward feeling of knowing there is freedom and healing in Christ, and still being on my journey to healing. And pain is beauty. I don't think this juxtaposition of joy and pain will never not be evident, at least this side of heaven. I am doing my best to cling to Him, to heal, to trust. To trust He is going to use all this pain for HIS good I have too choose to fight. There are days I want to give up... Throw in the towel. But in Christ there is no defeat. Scripture reminds us over and over again to fight the good fight, to cling to Him. Too not loose hope. That we are always going to be walking through some sort of trial or refiners fire. So I encourage you today weather you are flying and are full of joy or if you are drowning and see no way out. Cling to Him, He is your only source of strength and hope that will never ever fail you. Choose to fight:)

ASK....

So it's the beginning of a new year, Ya know what that means, it's resolution time. We set goals for ourselves. To loose weight, work harder, be a better Wife, Mom, Husband, Father, friend. Make more money. Ect.Which are all really awesome, but  I have a question for all of us, (myself included). Have we ASKED God what goals he may have for us, what He wants for us? How he wants to make us more like Him in 2012? Hmmm, yeah... ouch! Well at least for me!! Well I asked, and I know that God is calling me to step up, to be bold. To love more and deeper than I ever have before. To be a light in my work place. What is he asking of you?  Maybe He is nudging you too call up that "friend" and mend that relationship. How about taking that co-worker who doesn't know the Lord to lunch, just to love on them? Or stepping up and serving for the first time in your church or community. Spending more time with those you love. Maybe just spending more time with Him :) I am not God and I can't tell you what God is asking of you or wanting to do through you in 2012, but I can encourage you to seek Him in everything!! Be bold, step out, don't live in fear. And if you're not already, fall in Love with your King this year! Allow Christ to take your brokenness and make it something soo amazingly beautiful, trust me He can and will if you just ASK!!!