He never said it would be easy..... One day at a time:)

Lately I have been wrestling with a lot (which is why it's been so long since I've posted). Let me rephrase that, I have been wrestling with God over a lot! The masks I wear to "pretend" like my heart is great and I've got it all together. The appearance of a good Christian.....? He's been putting His finger on those places, walls, masks, wounds. Those secret, hidden parts of me that I don't want anyone to know about or see. And it hurts..... A lot! I feel as if I've been playing tug-of-war with God. Surrender is not an easy thing, but He calls us to surrender, even the darkest ugliest places of our hearts. I'm finding He longs for me to lay and surrender those things at the cross, and there is SO much freedom, and healing in that. Because He ALREADY knows. I'm also finding that He is the ONLY one who can mend, restore and bring the peace my heart so desperately longs and needs. I am also realizing that He is BIG enough for my anger, frustration and doubt. He gives me space to feel and question, because He's sovereign. All of this is messy and I don't fully understand it, but the end result is and will be beautiful! And I don't really know what the "other side" of this process will look like, but O how I have hope! That He is and will take my broken, wounded heart and use it as a vessel of His love and faithfulness, so I encourage you to trust and walk with Him one day at a time:)